He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
