Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
