She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
