I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
