Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
