my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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