my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize