My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Where is the hickey?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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