Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
