on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
