Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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