Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
