she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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