Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
All the doctor said was why
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
