walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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