you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize