I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
