Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
