I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
