Quick, to the slutcave!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
