i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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