I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
