all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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