i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
