i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
