I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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