Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
