U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
