When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had sex on a roof
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize