I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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