hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
