Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
