dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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