So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
