Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
