Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
