Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
