Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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