he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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