I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
