white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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