Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
