I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
