well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
