Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
