When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
