her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
