I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
