my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
