so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
