Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
