i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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