Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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