I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
