Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
