You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
