I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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