i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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