Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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