P.S. I can't hear my feet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
