i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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