i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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