he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
