you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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