If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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