This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
