Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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