just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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