The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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