Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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