i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
