why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
