girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
