We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
