I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
