What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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