Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I believe in your delicious
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
