Pappa wants mamma naked
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
