My hand turned me down
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
