Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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