Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
