Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
