tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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