I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
