You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
