If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
