I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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